Another Angry Rant On Bollywood

Bollywood movies are just like the ones made by Hollywood, only infinitely dumber and with a lesser budget.


With it's elaborate song and dance numbers that seem to  magically teleport you to Europe and professional choreographers that seemingly pop out of no-where, Bollywood has reached it's pinnacle of retardation. 

It's the same goddamned plot over and over again:

Boy meets girl, girl meets boy and the two fall in love. They sing and dance about it. Boy and girl are prevented from getting together by some impediment (read mother-in-law). Cue more singing and dancing. They overcome said impediment and more singing and dancing culminates in a grand singing-dancing finale.

And there you go ladies and gentlemen the basic plot-line of the thousand or so Bollywood films released each year.

Bollywood writers and musicians have been known to resort to plagiarism. Ideas, plot lines, tunes or riffs have been copied from other Indian film industries or foreign films (including Hollywood and other Asian films) without acknowledgement of the original source. What more can you expect from an industry that can't come up with it's own name?

For extra lols, watch this Russel Peter skit:

Bollywood isn’t entirely composed of movies where the protagonist can flip a semi-automatic with the touch of his hand and then kill five guys with one bullet, all while making out with a chick.


There are a few gems in Bollywood like:

• Guzaarish: Mainly because it was soo different from most Bollywood films. I was getting tired of all those stupid love stories.

It's more fun than Superman Returns!

• Taare Zameen Par (Like Stars On Earth): Yes, it was that melo-dramatic (I mean that in a good way).

• Delhi Belly: Think of it as an Indian version of  the 2009 hit 'Hangover' full of F-word expletives, flatulence, right royal cock-ups and a bunch of dufus friends who never seem to get it right. Not your average soap-opera Bollywood film. And the best part, there were almost NO stupid dance numbers!

• 3 Idiots: Ok. It did had alot of goddamn dance sequences and the ole' Bollywood cliché here and there but it succeeded in bringing a smile (and some tears) on my face.

And to all those butt-hurt Indians, go eat your curry!